Prom Queen
by Jubella
Summary: People had always known the importance that the title of Prom Queen held for Quinn Fabray. But nobody knew her motives. -Sequel.
1. Chapter 1

People had always known the importance that the title of Prom Queen held for Quinn Fabray.

They knew that it had always been her ultimate goal in High School. After being Head Cheerleader, after coming back from a pregnancy with her power intact, after joining Glee Club and having her reputation surviving; it was the crown. Being Prom Queen was the ultimate price. It would mean that she had ruled the school, since becoming Head Cheerleader in her Freshman Year, something that wasn't easy to accomplish, less with having Sue Sylvester as Coach; until the very end, becoming Prom Queen in her Senior Year.

Quinn never hid that fact from the rest of the school, they had always known that she would get that crown, there really was no doubt. Quinn's mother had been Prom Queen; it was only fitting that she would be, too. There was a reason her mother had named her, because she was destined to be at the head, to call the shots, to rule. And that's what she had done.

Since she had stepped into the halls of William McKinley High School, Quinn Fabray had ruled it. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Santana at her toes, but she had. During the months when she joined Glee Club and got pregnant, there had been doubt. She had been slushied, she had been at the bottom of the pyramid, and she became an outcast. But in her junior year, Quinn Fabray's power came back at full force. People saw that she was capable of turning in one of her best friends in order to gain that power again, they saw what she was willing to do, and there were no more discussions, no more doubt. She had proven a point when she had been off the squad for a while, and she still got the same respect from the jocks and the rest of the Cheerleaders. Quinn Fabray needn't a uniform to be in charge.

She had made an unspoken statement: As long as she was in the school, she was the top dog.

People respected that, and they didn't question it. They were the sheep, and they followed. They daren't disrespect the order in wich things in High School worked, because it was easier that way.

So if Quinn Fabray was dating Finn Hudson, they were the Golden Couple. If she was dating Sam Evans, they were the Golden Couple. It was how things worked and nobody denied it. If Quinn Fabray was single, the only explanation was that there simply weren't boys worthy of her time. It was how her Senior Year had worked. She didn't need to date anybody, she needed to stay single, and the sheep needed not to question. And question they didn't.

Nobody ever considered exactly _why_ Quinn Fabray was top dog. It was like a law of physics. You don't try to understand it, you try to memorize it so you don't fail the test and that's it. It was that way, simply _because_.

Nobody questioned her motives, and nobody knew them.

As her own little private joke, Quinn liked to say in her mind that she had _romantic ulterior motives_ for her absolute need to be Prom Queen. Sure, there were the reasons people knew about, it all was true. That it would be the ultimate prove of her power, that she just _had to be_ because her mother was, that it would be the cherry of her High School history and it would be just as clichéd as it would be romantic. But then again, there were those _romantic ulterior motives. _

Behind most of all her actions in life, Quinn did things because she had to prove a point. She needed to be the perfect daughter her parents had dreamed of. Sure, she had screwed up, and that had lost her the love of her father. Still, Quinn had always wanted things to be perfect for her mother, not him.

Quinn always knew her mother didn't have the life she had dreamed of. She knew that, as a young idealistic girl, her mother had dreamed big things for herself. Judy Fabray, before she became a Fabray, had goals and hopes bigger than herself… until she met Russell. Her mother had confessed to her once that she wasn't sure how, but suddenly she had found herself married to a Catholic business man, carrying a child and being a housewife. Judy's life didn't turn out the way she had dreamed, but at least she had two beautiful daughters and a loving husband. But that didn't last long. As her daughters grew up under their father's thumb and became obsessed with being perfect, her husband had stopped being the loving man he once had been to her. The only thing they ended up sharing was a house and a drinking problem. Judy Fabray's eldest daughter had gone to college in another continent in order to be away from them. But Quinn had always been there, she had always tried to please her even when her mother repeated relentlessly that she only had to be herself, that she would always be loved. Of course, she had proven her own reassurances a lie when her daughter got pregnant and she allowed her husband to kick her out. Judy had moped around the house for months, swimming in a sea of depression at the thought that absolutely nothing had gone the way she had dreamed of. Nothing went according to her plans until she had her daughter back and an opportunity to be the mother she had always wanted. Quinn had understood that time that she could trust her mother with anything, and they had formed a stronger bond.

Of course, Quinn promised herself that she would make her mother happy by becoming all of the things that Judy had dreamed for herself. She swore that she would, even if it meant that she had to make some sacrifices of her own. Even if she had to give up the thing she loved the most.

Quinn's _ulterior motive_ number one was giving her mother the satisfaction of her daughter becoming Prom Queen. She would bring the crown and the medal or whatever it was they gave to her, and she would give it to her mother. In her junior year, Quinn Fabray became independent, she became a leader at the school, she was number one student, and in the end of her senior year, she became Prom Queen.

That brought her to her _**romantic**__ ulterior motive_.

If there was one thing she was, and at the same time, wasn't, it was what people thought. They thought she was a bitch, and that was sometimes true. They thought she was all the clichés that involve being the HBIC. People thought she was smart and they were right about that. They were right about a lot of things, but then again, it was the things that she was willing to show. Quinn made herself an image and people bought it without questions, because that's how they were. But Quinn Fabray had a secret since she was thirteen and hit puberty and learned the meaning of hormones. It was a secret she held close to her heart and that she almost never wore on her sleeve. A secret that she never showed except on the handful of times when her eyes went out of control and she couldn't help but stare lovingly, only for a few seconds, to the object of her desire. It was the only secret that she never shared with anyone, not even with her mother, because she wouldn't understand. Judy Fabray wouldn't understand why Quinn was attracted and pretty much loved Rachel Berry, because Quinn herself never understood.

But Quinn made a promise to herself. If she had to give up her most desired dream in order to make her mother happy and in order to be everything she was supposed to be, she would give herself a prize. When she became Prom Queen, she would give herself an opportunity to enjoy herself, only once. That was her _romantic ulterior motive_. It was not much, it was not special and it was definitely not enough. But if she became Prom Queen, she would have a dance with Rachel Berry.

There were times when the sole idea of that made her giddy. There were times when a dance with Rachel was more of a motive to be Queen than to be what she was supposed to. There were times when she felt that the only reason she wanted to be Prom Queen was so she could be herself, at least for a few minutes, and have Rachel.

* * *

The first thing that popped into her head when she heard her name was her mother's face. As she walked to the stage to get her crown, Judy's beaming face with pride when she told her the news was all she could see. But then, as she stood smiling and the crown was placed over her head, the only thing Quinn could do was to look for Rachel amongst the crowd. She almost forgot she had to do the stupid dance with the Prom King, but she figured a few minutes wouldn't kill her. Anxiety would, maybe.

She tried her best to keep smiling as they danced, but in the end, his puzzled look made her know that her irritation was showing. She had promised this to herself, and she didn't want to have the time to chicken out. As the song ended and everyone applauded, he tried to keep a hold on her, but she let him go almost rudely.

Quinn was determined to find Rachel and dance, but first she had to control her shaking hands. It was ridiculous, it was only a dance and at the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything to Rachel and she would be safe. She tried to keep telling herself that as she spotted the brunette fooling around and dancing with Mercedes and Kurt. Rachel looked lovely, gorgeous, amazing. That was no news to Quinn, but tonight she seemed to shine so brightly it was impossible to look at without it being painful. Rachel had a red dress that accentuated everything that was right in her body, wich was a lot. It showed just the right amount of everything and it seemed that everybody noticed, because it was almost fifteen minutes later when Quinn gained the courage to go to her, and she had already been asked to dance by a lot of people.

As Quinn approached them, the picture was rather awkward. Rachel and Finn were dancing closely, but he was too tall and seemed to have two left feet and Rachel looked sympathetic. Maybe it would have been rude to interrupt, but Quinn was tired of waiting and watching and this was Finn's third dance with the girl. It was the perfect song, and Quinn would be damned if Finn got it over her. She advanced towards them and put a slightly trembling hand on Rachel's shoulder. The brunette turned to her and smiled, and Quinn felt her breath taken away like a punch in the stomach, but she smiled nonetheless. The couple looked at her and the only thing that came out of her mouth was "May I?" They both nodded and Finn made a move to grab her hand, but Quinn reached for Rachel's before she had a chance to think about it twice and pretend it was Finn she wanted all along. She had done that in the past, and it wasn't going to happen tonight.

The tall boy gaped at her and Rachel raised her eyebrows, but she smiled either way and placed both hands on Quinn's shoulders.

Quinn always pictured this moment with as much reality as she could. She pictured Rachel slightly horrified to be taken away from her partner, wich of course she always pictured it would be Finn, and she imagined Rachel dancing reluctantly and as far away from her as she could. She pictured herself trembling like an idiot and dancing poorly, or not dancing at all, just standing there like a stone statue. She never dared to imagine it would be perfect, she always knew she shouldn't keep her hopes up because they would always be crushed. She daren't picture a happy scene, because when it turned out wrong, it would just be too painful.

She had always thought that it would go badly, but in the end, she would have gotten the chance to have Rachel in her arms, and that would be enough.

But it wasn't the case. Quinn was afraid that Rachel would feel the mad flutter of her heart inside her chest, they were that close. She slid her hands around the brunette's waist and their bodies were almost pressed together. They were close enough that she could feel the heat emanating from Rachel's body, she could smell her perfume and her hair, and it made her lightheaded. Still, she managed to swing to the slow song in the background, but that was all there was. There's nobody else, just them. It's all Quinn can hear, all that she can see and all that she feels. Rachel's breathing ghosts in her neck and Quinn's eyelids flutter, so she closes them. They're swinging side to side and their feet move, but she doesn't know what she's doing. Her body is in autopilot as her mind goes to overdrive with all the sensations. The warmth, the closeness and the softness when Rachel presses their cheeks together and she feels her smile. She's not sure the brunette knows what she's doing, but she feels giddy and tingly, and she feels complete and utter love.

For a moment, Quinn considers everything. She could tell Rachel the truth. She could trust her mother and tell her, and she could make her understand. Quinn could give herself the chance to learn to accept who she is. She could be what she wants, and not what she's supposed to. Things could turn out right. In this very moment, Quinn could turn her head slightly to the right and join her lips with Rachel's. She's so close, their cheeks are pressing and Rachel is smiling and everything is warm and soft and just light.

But Quinn has an ulterior motive, and she has to be what she's supposed to be. She made a promise to herself, and this is her keeping it. She's dancing with Rachel and it went better than she expected because she didn't expect anything, and that's why she's not crushed and that's why it's not painful. She didn't have high expectations and that's how things turned out right.

But now, she has to let go. She's had her prize. Now she has to go home and show her mother her crown.

Her cheek brushes with Rachel's as they pull apart, and her hands linger on her waist while Rachel's hands rest on her shoulders. She gives herself a second to look at those deep brown eyes, but she doesn't dare to read into them. Rachel is questioning her with her eyes and a smile, but Quinn only smiles lightly in return and she knows she's giving her one of those looks of adoration she can't control. Rachel's smile turns into a less powerful one, but not less warm. It's a smile that says something that Quinn doesn't want to hear. Fingertips graze her neck lightly and touch the crown in her head, straightening it. She cups Rachel's cheek for three aching seconds before turning around.

* * *

Judy is waiting for her when she gets home. Quinn takes off her shoes when she's at the door and approaches her mother with her crown in her hands. Judy's beaming face is everything she imagined it would be.

When she goes to bed, there are tears. But she got the chance to have Rachel in her arms, and in the end, that just has to be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

The thing with promises is that they are almost always hard to keep. But you want to, because you don't want to disappoint someone that was so important to you that you were willing to make a promise. And if the promise is to yourself… there's a lot complicated there. Quinn thought that, if she couldn't keep her own promises to herself, who could she trust? It was like betraying her very own being; you can't get any worse than that.

After how she had behaved almost her entire life, when Quinn made the unselfish act of giving her baby away to a better future, something changed. It had felt devastating at first, like a hole in her chest that consumed every good thing that happened to her. She couldn't enjoy anything, it got lost in the void, burned there forever in what felt like the black hole of her existence.

At first, it had been like that, but Quinn got better. The black hole was now simply an unhealed scar. It hurt sometimes, the kind of pain that won't let you get out of bed. But only sometimes, and what came with that pain was also a new satisfaction of doing the right thing, an unselfish act that benefited others and made you feel like a better person. She never saw her baby again, but she knew she was okay, and that was all that mattered.

When Quinn saw the pride and happiness in her mother's eyes, she knew she had done the right thing. She became everything her mother had dreamed of. She was strong and independent and a leader. Sure, she got the satisfaction of seeing her mother happy, of _putting_ that happiness there. But she had given up something, something she had wanted for a long time and that she had seen that day, maybe it wasn't impossible to get. But she tried to push those thoughts away.

It had been a week, and the new void inside her didn't get any smaller. She knew perhaps it was too soon, but it burned and it was maddening and she wanted it to go away. Alone in her room, sometimes a breeze would pass and she could swear she smelled it, her perfume. Three minutes of a song had been enough for the smell to impregnate her mind, now it was impossible to forget. Curled up under a blanket in bed with her knees against her chest and her face buried in her hands, Quinn closed her eyes tightly and tried to breathe the soap scent of her hands, but to no avail. Soon the tears fought their way out and she had to hide under the blanket to muffle the sounds. When her mother had found her like that the night of the Prom, Quinn said that it was just excitement and glee. Judy had hugged her and whispered that she was proud and it had only made Quinn cry harder, because she felt selfish. She should be happy for her mother and not sad for herself. She hated that now, after a week, it didn't get any easier.

At three in the morning, she gave up on sleep and got out of bed. Her suitcase for College was on the floor at the foot of her bed, clothes scattered everywhere but inside it. With a sigh, Quinn started folding her jeans and dresses and placing them neatly inside. She tried to keep her mind in blank; her head hurt from all the sobbing and lack of sleep accumulated along the week, and she just felt numb. And it was what she wanted, to stop thinking for a second, be free of thoughts of one thing and one thing only. It worked for a while, as she went about her room collecting everything she had prepared along the week with her mother, the fresh clean clothes and sheets. It worked until she got to her desk and found her binder.

When she was young, Quinn's mother had given her a notebook. She said she could put her thoughts there, every time she felt like her head couldn't contain them anymore. If she felt like too many things were going on in her brain, she could just pour them into paper to clear her mind. Six years old Quinn didn't understand that very well, she just filled the sheets with doodles and glued candy wraps on the pages. Her mother said it was okay, that they were _her_ pages, and she could do whatever she wanted with them. Ten years old Quinn filled her notebook with song lyrics, to-do lists, things that happened in her day, movie tickets and drawings. By that time, she had stopped showing her mother what she put in there, because things were more private then. In the years that followed, as her mind got more and more confusing, the things that Quinn put on her notebooks became so private that she had to take it everywhere. She couldn't just _stop_ writing, because that would make her crazy, but nobody could find it either. Even if she didn't understand why she just couldn't stop thinking about Rachel Berry and writing things about her and drawing her, Quinn knew it was wrong, even if she didn't know what it meant at that time. Eighteen years old Quinn was very much aware of that now, she knew what her thoughts meant and why they were in her head, but that didn't mean she could stop writing and drawing about Rachel. In years before, her drawings served to mock Rachel, and the writings were full of aversion, even if they were bursting with hearts and double–meanings. But the last two notebooks Quinn possessed, of her junior and senior year, were very different. They were a combination of the first things she wrote about Rachel, about how she behaved and what she liked and the funny things she did or wore, and the things she noticed now, how her hair shined, how her hips moved, how her curves were alluring even under her poorly chosen wardrobe. That was a good part of Quinn's brain, and the rest of her notebook was filled with plans and charts and goals and overall, the things she should and shouldn't do.

Quinn sat on the carpet with her back against the bed, breathing heavily. She opened the last used page to the drawing she had made of Rachel in her red dress a few nights ago. If she closed her eyes, she could remember exactly how she fitted against her body, were they melded perfectly and the heat that emanated from her cheek. Quinn bit her upper lip to stop from crying again and flipped the pages until she got to the first one and read.

"_No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."_

The Bible passage she had written at the beginning of the year still helped her relax, but it was shallow. She would calm down with it, but soon she would be hit with her thoughts again, and it was like a cycle. The door opened just then and her mother's head poked in, a sleepy smile on her face. Quinn smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, and her mother noticed. As she approached, the younger blonde carefully closed her notebook and laid it on the carpet. Her mother sat down on the bed next to Quinn's head, and she couldn't help but to rest it on her lap, a sob breaking the silence. Judy shushed her, stroking her hair and wiping at her cheeks as Quinn tried to stop the tears and catch her breath, all the while thinking of an excuse for her outburst.

-I'm just exited. –She sobbed. She only hoped her mother was foolish enough.

-Quinn… Just promise me something, okay? –Judy cupped her daughter's cheek and made her look at her. Quinn nodded, pressing her lips together. –Promise me you will be happy? No matter what?

Quinn looked away, her heart beating madly inside her chest. Her mother's thumb brushed against her cheekbone as she waited, until Quinn swallowed and looked at her in the eye, biting her lip and nodding.

-Yes, I promise.

As they got down for breakfast, Quinn couldn't stop thinking about what it meant. It didn't change anything, of course her mother wanted her to be happy, but there were a lot of other things, too. Quinn had to triumph in life, she had to become someone. That's what she was going to Penn for; to be everything her mother had dreamed of her. Quinn knew what she needed to be happy, and besides Rachel, it was seeing her mum happy. She didn't think she could have both.

Quinn took one last look at her room as she zipped her suitcase and rolled it to the hallway. She grabbed her bag once she got downstairs and her mother helped her load everything into her car. It wasn't _that_ long of a drive, but it was a lot of hours. Her mother hugged her tightly before she got into the car and once in the driver's seat, Quinn rolled down the window. Judy bent over and pecked her daughter's cheek.

-Will you be okay for the drive?

-Yes, mom. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

Judy nodded and Quinn started the engine. Before backing away, she rested a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

-Quinn? –She whispered. –I just want you to be happy. That's all I want.

Quinn blinked rapidly and looked up, taking a deep breath. The hole in her chest was smoldering painfully and the lump in her throat was bigger that ever. Her mother was making things more difficult than she was aware of. But she couldn't blame her; she didn't know what those words meant to Quinn, not really.

-I want you to be happy, too. –Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. –I make you happy, don't I?

-You do. –Judy nodded and bent over again to kiss her cheek. –You make me happy, but you have to be happy too. You know that.

-I do. I am, mom. As long as you are.

Judy pursed her lips but nodded and backed away. She heaved a sigh as Quinn turned around the block.

Quinn drove away and tried not to let her mind wander. Not near any of the words her mother said, anyway. Everything was confusing now. It was as if her mother had given her a hidden message. But it was impossible for her to know what was really going on in her mind, so Quinn wasn't sure what it meant. She tried to distract herself with thoughts of what she was going to do when she got to her dorm. She would have to meet her roommates and unpack. She hoped they weren't annoying, she wanted her space. She would take a shower and then read or write until she fell asleep. As she stopped at a red light, she felt something tugging at her thoughts in the back of her mind, as if she had forgotten –_Fuck_. Gripping the steering wheel, Quinn contemplated her options. She could leave the notebook at home and pick it up when she came back, and she could use something else to write meanwhile, but that meant the possibility of her mother finding it. And besides, there were a lot of things there that she couldn't stand not seeing for so long. Looking at the clock, she realized that she had only driven for half an hour, she could go back. She would.

Quinn turned on the next corner and headed for home again, chewing on her lip and bouncing her leg the entire ride. Surely her mom went to the supermarket or something; there was no need to go into her room. And even if she did, she wouldn't read her notebook, it wasn't like her mother.

When Quinn opened the front door, there was something odd, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She climbed up the stairs and almost crashed into her mother in the hallway.

-Quinnie, I'm so glad you came back!

-You are? –She frowned. –I forgot something.

-There's someone here to see you. –Suddenly, Judy seemed serious. Quinn opened her mouth to speak, but was shocked when her mother crushed her with a hug. –Someone came to see you, baby. –She whispered in her ear. –Remember what you promised me.

Her mother released her and Quinn watched her disappearing down the stairs, dumbfounded. She stood there, her heart pounding madly inside her chest, not daring to turn around and walk to her bedroom. But someone was there, what if _they_ found her notebook? And they were here to see her, right? Perhaps Brittany had forgotten she leaved today…

A thousand different feelings hit her when she stood on her doorway. _Disbelief. Confusion. Happiness. Terror. _Rachel sat with her legs crossed in the middle of her bed, _her _notebook in her hands. Quinn gasped as she felt the wind knocked out of her lungs like a punch in the stomach both at her beauty and the fact that she had her freaking secrets in her hands. Rachel looked up then, her cheeks stained with tears, and gaped when she saw her.

-I thought you left. –She whispered.

Quinn nodded, astonished. It was as if her brain had stopped working and so did her lungs. She felt dizzy and lightheaded, but her heart was pounding strongly inside her chest as she looked from Rachel's face to her notebook and back. The brunette laid it next to her on the bed and got up, taking cautious steps towards her.

-I waited. –Rachel said softly as she approached. –But you didn't come back. You never do, but I just thought… And I couldn't wait anymore so I came here, but your mother said that you were already gone and I… I came up. –They were face to face now, but Quinn could barely see the tears on the brunette's face because her own were clouding her vision. –Your mother said that maybe you would come back because you had forgotten… -Rachel trailed off, waiting for Quinn to say something. –She said I should see it. 

There were only two things Quinn had gathered. Rachel _was_ really there, and she _knew_.

-You knew? –She choked out.

-Quinn… -Rachel said softly, smiling lightly and ducking her head, and the blonde felt a rush of a different heat to her chest at hearing her name _like that_. –Sometimes, when you look at me, when you're distracted… -She shook her head. –I waited for you to say something, and last week I thought…

Quinn ducked her head and tried to control her trembling hands, and she tried to understand. But the air didn't quite reach her lungs, specially with Rachel so close that she could smell that perfume again.

-You wanted me to say something? –She whispered.

-For a long time now.

Quinn nodded.

_I just want you to be happy. You make me happy, but you have to be happy too._

_Promise me you will be happy, no matter what._

-Will you? –Rachel asked and Quinn looked up, straight into her eyes. –Will you say something?

_Remember what you promised me._

-I like you.

Rachel smiled, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek.

-I know.

Quinn leaned into the touch, tears flooding down her cheeks.

-I love you.

There was a rush of that different, placid heat overflowing her when Rachel brushed her hand down to her neck, standing on her toes to press their lips together softly. She smiled against her lips, a whisper escaping before joining them again.

-_Finally._


End file.
